Restless

Every moment is unique, instantaneous and beautiful. Sometimes I take moments for granted. Suddenly I’m in a situation surrounded by beauty and special moments, yet I crave something else. I noticed I stopped watching the sunsets because I’m distracted with other things. I don’t take the time to look at the stars anymore. I jump from place to place, without diving in before I move on. I feel I have no time to enjoy the beauty around me. I keep on moving to the next thing, only to become restless. Because there’s nothing from outside that can fill the vacuum inside.

The most joyful moments in my life have been those when I take the time to feel. Those moments when I take in what’s around me – no matter whether it’s the stars, the moon, the waves of the sea, the people around me or the feeling of the wind. The moments when I become a researcher of the present moment, taking the time to observe and exploring the nature of the reality “as it is”.

Every moment can be like this. Because the experience of being alive is magical, it’s a miracle in itself. The world outside and the world inside are a source of wonder, awe and inspiration. They are an infinite source of joy, love and peace. Only if I allow myself to be. Why do I feel the rush to go somewhere else? There’s no place to go, nowhere to reach, nothing to achieve. All I could ever wish for is within me, right now. There is nothing to change, add or delete. Each moment is perfect and full as it is.

The perception of something being missing comes from the mind creating comparisons from what it’s seen or imagining what “could be”. The memory in the mind recalls the unpleasant and projects fears into the now. It remembers the pleasant and generates cravings in me today. The mind makes holes in the present moment, which is perfect as it is right now. And if I’m not aware, it enslaves me into the thoughts and emotions it generates.

The anticipation, expectation and imagination of the mind make me see the present moment as incomplete and run somewhere else, thinking there I’ll be more full, better and complete. It’s false. It’s an illusion. If I’m not happy with where I am, right now, I won’t be anywhere else – no matter how much I run. The totality of every moment is the source of fulfillment and happiness. It’s all I have. The way I live my present is the way I’ll live my future.


Notes to the 21st Century Self – 14/03/2020

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